NEW DELHI: India lost its collective shit on hearing the news of Steve Jobs, founder of Apple Computers, Pixar Studios and the bald reincarnation of Jesus having passed on. Jobs, usually looked at with disdain by Indians for not giving a rats ass about their market had long been battling with cancer that also recently led him to resign as CEO. Doctors admitted what finally pushed him over the edge was seeing Kapil Sibal launch the 47$ Akash tablet, and that his final words were “Oh for fucks sake”.
Mactards across the country, most of whom had sold their mothers kidneys to buy their first Apple product rushed to post condolence messages on Twitter and link Jobs’ Stanford commencement address on Facebook. Raghu, a self confessed Mactard had this to say. “Jobs was a genius. Everything he created beautiful, unique and out of the box. But most importantly, he used Gandhi in the Think Different ad, and you gotta love folks that love Gandhi. Heck, when Jobs got skinny he even looked like him”.
Jobs, who took Apple to being the World’s most valuable technology company under his leadership is also credited for being the first man since Lenin to successfully convince millions of people into thinking they were part of a hep, alternative counter-culture while being slaves to a hegemonic controlled ecosystem built on the backs of underpaid labourers.
Other immediate consequences of his passing included thousands making horrendous “Job” puns in jokes they thought had never been cracked before, and mistakingly buying Rashmi Bansal’s Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish thinking it was Jobs’ biography. Some political activists in Mumbai also started beating up auto-drivers citing Job’s advice to “never settle” and always “follow your dreams before it’s too late” while proudly proclaiming that they too, were college dropouts.
Condolences also poured in from celebrities. Former Indian cricketer Nayan Mongia said, “While I am sorry to hear about the loss, I hope perhaps now the App Store might approve my iGo app”. Dev Anand also announced plans of writing, directing, producing and starring in a biopic on Jobs’ life where he would essay the role of an Apple TV – which like him was pointless, but still around because of its cheap asking price.
Thank you Mr. Jobs, your life will always be an inspiration to those of us who live to create and fight to do it, hoping someday, if we're worth it, it would pay off.
This post was written on a Macbook Pro.