I'm beginning to think being intelligent is the worst thing that ever happened to me. Now I'm not saying I'm super smart (academically or street) but i am aware, and tend to think about things that a majority of people my age don't seem to be thinking about. This is not a value or moral judgement in any way - and it might not even be factually correct - but just what I have experienced based on the kind of people i have been around. I also don't shy away from saying that stupid people piss me off. They do, they really do. They contribute nothing to the human race, seem to have no aspirational value and seem perfectly contended with their mediocre little lives - keeping themselves happy with events like having a Dal ka Halwa after lunch, or saving 10 rupees in a garage sale at Bhindi Bazaar.
But you know what - I'm totally jealous. Because all said and done, they seem to be so much happier than I have ever caught myself being.
I feel like the nerd who doesn't get into a cool college fraternity and tells himself that even if he doesn't get laid as much as the resident jock, at least he will make enough money and have a social status developing code for Microsoft the rest of his miserable life. The sad part in all this - even THAT doesn't seem to be working out.
Maybe things would be easier if I was stupider. I would be happy with a 10,000 rupee job and a 1000 buck raise at the end of the year would seem like a bonus. There would be no heartache because I would never fall in love with anyone, comfortable in the thought that eventually my parents would hook me up with someone who would also have given in to a life of mediocrity with her mediocre partner. I wouldn't feel jealous of people more creative than me because I would never think i had any talent anyway. There would be no constant struggle for self-improvement or proving things to myself or striving for absolutely anything.
No wonder every philosopher seemed to have a painful death with many questions in his head still unanswered while the stupid humans made merry during when they weren't being persecuted. At the end of the day, who remembers your name more than 2 days anyway, no matter how big or important you become.
For now - just doesn't seem worth it.