So anyway - coming back to tonight's birthday party. It was a relatively modest affair which is how i like it - but like most kids parties it had way too many kids. My heart bleeds for kids who are deprived and god knows ive done too much cause-related marketing bombing destitute kids photographs to an Enya soundtrack infront of donors and young people hoping they'd write me a guilt-ridden cheque. But happy kids that keep running around parties and undergo what
i like to call in economics terminology "the 3C's curve" - i hate with an unrivalled passion. Im too lazy to draw the curve right now but i'll explain it in brief. In short it's a reverse U shaped curve on an X and Y axis with X donating stamina and Y donating duration. Basically stamina starts increasing when they drink coke...peaks when they eat cake and falls till the end of the party; thus the third C = Crash.
However what is most interesting even now about these parties is how the dynamics and heirarchy of kids parties has remained the same. For example even at today's party all the kids with the weird flashy dresses seemed to have found each other - while the nerdy shy kid kept looking at them from behind a potted plant - watching the lovely balloons float and caress the fungus infested garden till they eventually got stepped on by the over-excitable fat kid.
Personally i dont remember what kind of kid i was at birthday parties but i could imagine what the nerdy kid must be thinking standing alone in the corner.
"Imbeciles!" or perhaps if he was more of a wuss "I wonder if i should try and talk to them. Umm...should i? should i not? where are my parents? is that dirt edible?"
The second thing about kids parties. Kids which have shoes with blinking lights are actually not the coolest ones. They just want more attention and are insecure. I dont know why parents dont see it as a cry for help. For f***s sake - the kid has flashlights in his SHOES! Leave the Chicken Tikka alone and hear what he has to say!
Fat kids are not cute. They are just fat. If its a fat girl and she continues to be fat - she will grow up with low self esteem and die young. How is that cute? When you see a fat chicken in the farm do you turn around and say its a fat chicken? No - you say that fried chicken's going to be bloody juicy! I dont know why people cant see the logic here.
Child labour is inherently in-built into the Indian system. Kids birthday parties are a perfect demonstration. Under the guise of discipline kids are meant to do ridiculous work all through the evening. "Beta waiter ko bolo pepsi le aaye". "Beta daddy ke liye chicken lao" etc. Just plain disgusting.
Cakes still come in two flavours. The first is chocolate. The second is "this sucks!". If its not chocolate - even the fat kids prefer dirt. Atleast dirt's brown. Older punjabi women still think chocolate cake comes in only one form and hate its very mention - Black Forest. I tell you - you cant catch a break in this world as long youre a "black" anything! Even the damn cake is discriminated against.
The party can be as awesome as you want it. You can invite magicians. You can have 4 different types of cuisine. You can have milk shakes and cookies. Hell - you can even get kids to sleep in the same bed as Michael Jackson. But if you forget to buy "Return gifts" - you'd rather invest all your money in white people's farms in Zimbabwe.
The extent of a kid's personal liberty is determined by the number of glasses of Coke s/he is allowed to drink by the parents.
Gifts at kids birthday parties have the worst "space consumed" / "actual financial value" ratio. Most gifts are crappy Chinese toys and come in big insane boxes which are a pain to carry and store. For some reason kids are made to carry the gift and hand it over to the kid whose birthday it is. Clever way for parents to disguise its uselessness under the guise of cuteness.
I would have observed more but i was hungry and i needed to eat. But id like to end saying Kids still suck. Parents suck even more.